Archive for August, 2011

August 31, 2011

An Ineffable Experience

by Dev B

Prologue

I am going through one of the toughest period of my life. It is impacting me physically and emotionally but yesterday was just a normal day. Usual my day was good and evening…. There is some problem between evening and my life. I born in evening and seems evening has a problem with my birth. I was feeling low due to things happened in evening. I reached home around 6PM today.

After that, I started things, which I do normally, aimless palavering with a close friend on net. Chat started well but it turned into a hot discussion. It is all because of my fear to loose good people. Fear is man-killer. Fear forced me to accept that I already lost in my life. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.

The Experience

I closed my laptop and went to sleep at 1 AM. I felt I closed lots of things with laptop. I was thinking about lots of things, specially things which happened recently. I felt a sweet pain near upper chest around 1:30 AM. My mind and heart ignored it, both were busy with something else but it didn’t helped. I couldn’t find comfort with sleeping position so decided to go out from my bed and walk in fresh air. I was in my balcony around 2:30 AM. I felt comfort in fresh rainy wind but this comfort lasted in moments. In the back of my mind and heart, I was thinking about chat and my life. I felt sweating on my face and my arms were feeling very tired and achy. I just took coldest water bottle out of the fridge. I was not thirsty but completed full bottle in one breath. I rushed back to my bed at 2:47 AM and intentionally didn’t switch off lights.

A drop of water came out from my left eye and went down from my face. Many other drops followed same path. Right eye  was not tearing but there was moist in it. I was staring at fan. To comfort myself, I closed my eyes and suddenly from nowhere thousands of faces appeared,  most of them were unknown but felt they must had crossed my life in some way. They were unknown but known faces. I was trying recognized them. I opened my eyes but faces were still there. I was able recognize at least five of them, they were not happy.

I can’t tell you what really it was but I felt someone squeezed my heart and squeezed  till it became weightless. It was unbearable pain. I could feel unusual movement of my  of squeezed and empty heart, It was moving all around and randomly in my left lung. I pressed my heart but my hand was not favoring me. My heartbeat was very slow and it was going down and down. I was not able to move my limbs. It was pin drop silence but I was not able to hear my heart beat. Time was something around 4 AM in clock (I am not sure about right time).

One by one all faces were vanishing. Suddenly everything got painted in black. Don’t know when I stopped feeling pain. All I can see is black and All I can feel is blank. It was heavenly feeling.

I don’t remember what happened after this feeling.

Epilogue

Alarm, which I set on last Sunday night, rang at 6:30 AM. I can still feel a pain near my heart. I closed my eyes and woke up at 8 AM, that too,  because of  a call. I decided to not to go office. I went to temple at 10:00 AM and left temple at 12:30PM.
Now I back to my laptop (my life), with an ineffable experience. I did first thing after coming back is, pinged my friend and said sorry.

read more »

August 27, 2011

He left me speechless

by Dev B

He is fighting to make uncertain certain.
He gets simmer but sparkles delighter.
He confined under green curtain.
His eyes says pain to live lifeless.
I met him & he left me speechless.

He is reading reports; to say it’s in vain.
He is the lightweight fighter.
He has to win a great war to sustain.
His spirit is still fearless.
I met him & he left me speechless.

He is going through unbearable pain.
He still punctuates laughter,
Not once, not twice but again & again.
His smile is real and stainless.
I met him & he left me speechless.

-Dev B

I met my good friend who is a cancer patient. He taught me “how to live lifeless“.
God bless you and get well soon.

August 26, 2011

It was a bright night after a special day.

by Dev B

It was a bright night after a special day.
I knew your life was on shaky ropeway.
Suddenly, I saw light in dark tunnel way.
I asked you to come on love’s expressway.

I was ready to wait till doomsday,
but you threw me on your doorway.
You believe in “my way or highway”.
You didn’t want to hear me anyway.

I was destined to killed by my simplicity,
but you thought I had lots of complexity.
Was it complexities of my simplicity?
Or, Was it innocent love’s complexity?

My mind and soul was in dismay.
You sentenced me to burned brutally,
that too, in fire of your word’s array.
My ashes were left there in ashtray.

My heart says you can’t betray.
My mind says you was in inner affray.
My ashes pray for you everyday.
My soul still loves you and cry.

I’m happy for you but my eyes are rainy.
Even if I want, I can’t cross your way.
You don’t need my presence on your way,
So I gift you my absence all the way.

– Dev B
– Inspired by events of someone’s life story.
– May God bless them. May God be with them
– I’m back to bogging. Thanks to those who wanted me to continue my writing.

August 21, 2011

You lost your words or I lost my hearing

by Dev B

Moments when we met in that summer.
Those sweet moments I still remember.

You asked my story, I asked your story
We talked about roller-coaster journey
It was almost enough to write history
Don’t know when we started our story.

We have numbers of similarities.
It questioned our singularities.

We traveled in emotion’s wain.
Our life had similar stain
We share the bond of pain.
Words were coming as rain.

It seemed God has heard our urge
And our lives started sudden surge

I don’t know what but something’s missing
May be Words, which were dazzling & raining
It formed a big gap, now heart is paining
You lost your words or I lost my hearing.

Better let the things happen naturally.
Believe me silence will break us badly

Where’re those tangible expressions.
Plz come back with communications.
Where’re those invincible passions.
Don’t tell, we don’t have emotions.

Moments when we met in that summer.
Those sweet moments I still remember.

– Dev B
As it happened. Inspired from someone’s life story.

August 20, 2011

गुल और गुलफाम

by Dev B

ग़म की गुलशन में
गुल की गुज़ारिश पे
गरीब गुलफाम ने,
गुमसुम गुमशुदा गिरां
ग़ज़ल गुलिश्तां की थी|

गैहान में गुप्तगू है कि
गुमराह गुल आज गैर
गर्दन में गुमगश्त है और
गुलिश्तां वो गर्द है आज
गुलफाम के दो गज पे|

     गिरां= अमूल्य | गुमगश्ता= भटकता |गैहान= संसार

-Dev B
(My first urdu writing, Dedicated to and Inspired by Sahir Saab’s life)

Tags: , , ,
August 20, 2011

पंद्रह साल बाद वो मुझसे मिलने आई

by Dev B

लगभग पंद्रह साल बाद
मुझसे मिलने वो आई थी
इन सालो मैं और मेरी
दुनिया बहुत बदली थी
पर उसे देख लगा वक़्त
संग उसके वहीं रुकी थी
रंग वही सफ़ेद दुधिया
बाल जैसे मेघ बदरिया
माथे पर लाल बिंदिया
आँखों में प्यार की नदिया
चहरे वही थोड़ी झुर्रिया
थोड़ी भी न वो बदली थी

सर रख गोद में उसके
मैंने आराम पाया था
उसके पुराने कहे किस्से
आज भी आँखों बसते थे
हर बात कहनी उससे
पर कह नहीं पाया था
मेरे अनकहे नए किस्से
अब आंसू बन मेरे बहे थे
वो बिन कहे सब वो समझे
आंखे उसकी भी भींगी थी
न कुछ वो बोल पायी थी
न कुछ मैं बोल पाया था
और जाने को वो हुई थी

मैंने पूछा – इतनी देर
क्यूँ आने में तुमने की थी?
अबकी जल्दी आना तुम
न आना तो पास बुलाना
हाँथ पकड़ उसके रोका
तभी आया ठंडा झोंका
आंखे खुली तो तनहा मैं
सुबह का सपना टुटा था|
सामने दीवार लगी उसकी
सालो पूरानी तस्वीर थी|
अपने ही कहानी की परियां
बन दादी अब मेरे साथ थी|

– Dev B
It’s been almost 15 years since my grandmother left us.
Today, It is first time when she came into my dreams.
Miss you “DADI”

August 19, 2011

तन्हाई और परछाई

by Dev B

लिए ढेर सारी तन्हाई
सुबह ने बनायीं कई परछाई
उनमे एक थी “मेरी परछाई”
चला था लिए मैं तन्हाई,
राह न जाने “मेरी परछाई”|

साथ चली थी कई परछाई
कभी वो अपनी थी तन्हाई
कभी वो परायी थी परछाई,
कभी वो काली थी परछाई
कभी वो धुंधली थी तन्हाई

बनती बिगडती परछाई
हल चल करती तन्हाई
पल पल बदलती परछाई
क्षण क्षण छलती परछाई
मन मन बहलाती तन्हाई

बढती घटती थी परछाई
तन ढंग थी सारी परछाई
मन संग थी एक तन्हाई
जो अब दूर करे तन्हाई
मन ढूंढती थी “वो परछाई”

जानी पहचानी सी परछाई
मिल गई एक “वो परछाई”
कुछ खास थी अब तन्हाई
घटती मन की अब तन्हाई
लगी मुझ-सी “वो परछाई”

पल पल ख़तम होती तन्हाई
हर पहर बढती “वो परछाई”
क्या मेरी थी “वो परछाई”
या मैं था उसकी “वो परछाई”
एक दूजे के हम “वो परछाई”

साँझ होते धुंधलाई “वो परछाई”
फिर घबराई “मेरी परछाई”
उस रात जानी “मेरी परछाई”
मेरी या तेरी हो “वो परछाई”
अँधेरे में न साथ देती “कोई परछाई”

– Dev B

August 18, 2011

पल पल हरक्षण हरपल

by Dev B

पल पल में बीता कल
बीत रहा आज हरपल
तो पल पल बीतेगा कल
पल पल हरक्षण हरपल

तू समर्पण कर हरपल
तू अर्पण कर पल पल
तो न समझे कोई हरपल
पल पल हरक्षण हरपल

इन्तजार न कर हरपल
ऐतबार न कर पल पल
तो बेजार न कर ये पल
पल पल हरक्षण हरपल

छुटे साथ कोई हरपल
टूटे बिस्वास पल पल
तो जीले रिश्तों के पल
पल पल हरक्षण हरपल

सोच न गम की हरपल
खुशियाँ बीती पल पल
तो गम बीतेगा पल पल
पल पल हरक्षण हरपल

जैसे बहता हो हरपल
नल से जल कल-कल
वैसे खोता जीवन पल
पल पल हर क्षण हरपल

सबका वक़्त बीते हरपल
मौत आती पास पल पल
तो जीले तू अपने हरपल
पल पल हरक्षण हरपल

जीवन के क्षणिक “पल” को समर्पित “एक अधूरी रचना”
-Dev B

August 17, 2011

Its now or never for India

by Dev B

Dear Indians, Its now or never
Brush-up your soul,  for India
Makeup your mind,  for India
Breakup your silence,  for india
Standup on your spinefor india

Dear Indians, Its now or never
Getup for your right,  for india
Wakeup and become light,  for india
Lookup at hunger sight,  for india
Speedup anti-graft fightfor india

Dear Indians, Its now or never
Take-up your voice,  for india
Tune-up it like roaring,  for india
Walkup on fire dear,  for india
Lockup is not a fear,  for india

Dear Indians, Its now or never
Breakup same old story,  for india
Write-up a new history,  for india
Shake-up rotten AZADI,  for india
Washup dirty KHAADI,  for india

(PS : chorus/group : “For India”)

– Dev B

August 15, 2011

आज देश को

by Dev B

आज देश को
न राहुल
लाडला चाहिए
न बरुण
बाबला चाहिए
न बाबा
भगोड़ा चाहिए
न अन्ना
प्यारा चाहिए

आज देश को
सच समझे
वो सूत्र चाहिए

आज देश को
न फसबूक
लाइक चाहिए
न ट्विट्टर
रि-ट्विट्ट चाहिए
न ईमेल
मैल-बोक्स चाहिए
न एस-ऍम-एस
इन-बॉक्स चाहिए

आज देश को
रियल हो
वो पूत चाहिए

आज देश को
न भगवा
रंग चाहिए
न हरा
ढंग चाहिए
न बहुजन
संग चाहिए
न सर्वजन
भंग चाहिए

आज देश को
सिर्फ तिरंगा जाने
वो बूत चाहिए

– Dev B